An open letter to my husband's exwife

You screwed up. It wasn't recently, over even last year, but started many years ago. I know, I saw it.

For too long, you let Cody rule. Then, when he is getting ready to graduate high school, you try to rein him in? IT'S TOO LATE!

You complain about him not respecting you. You whine about how much money he costs...he is how YOU made him.

He is so much like you. Ask anyone else.

Don't blame Rick. You always went against everything he suggested. Don't even blame Cody. He learned it from watching you.

Rick is a great father. The best. I've seen him with Karina for many years now. I've seen him with Cody.

Cody has the best of 2 worlds. He has 2 sets of parents who love him very much. Sure, Cody was "a child of divorce." Of course, not an easy way of life. But it all depends on how the child is raised.

Karina, by birthright, should be much more screwed up than Cody. Instead, she embraced the love given to her. Everything else, she had to earn...allowance, trust, respect. She did chores, she did well in her classes, she respected others, she abided by our rules.

Now, we have a daughter who we can trust. As she got older and showed more maturity, the rules were relaxed, but NOT dismissed. Even being away at college, she knows to check in with us. When she comes home, she is free to come and go, but we are kept informed with whom, where and when to expect her back. She is responsible enough to know automatic chores, like letting the dog out, doing her own laundry and even taking the garbage out to the road. That was how she was trained, just like after dinner, the table gets cleaned up.

She doesn't expect handouts or pricey items to show off. She never has expected her parents to be ATMs. Every time she is given money, she says, "Thank you." Basic courtesy. I remember having to teach Cody to say those words, along with "please," "excuse me" and "no thank you."

Cody was never given consistency. Your rules fluctuated. When you were called to the school, he didn't have consequences. That's YOUR bad. Rick was not kept in the loop by you. Instead, Cody was allowed to spiral out of control.

The relationship you have with Cody is how you chose to make it many years ago. I can tell you that you will live to regret this show of "tough love."

Rick and I are going to do what we can to undo the years of your "parenting." As someone who has gone MANY years without speaking to her family, I can honestly tell you that it would kill me to be rejected by my daughter. You may be OK with your high and mighty attitude now, but God forbid, if something happens to you...or to your only child.

Have you EVER thought, "what if these are our last words?" Could you be at peace with yourself if this is how it all ends? Think about it. It happened to my parents.

Real parents don't write their kid off because they are kicking them out when the 18-year-old kid won't abide by "the rules" (which were ridiculously more lax when they were in 17 and in high school!)

Nope, the issue is less with Cody and mostly about you. Cody is coming here KNOWING I'm a "tyrant." That's darn pathetic. You screwed up many years ago. Don't try to blame anyone else until you accept it yourself.
The Last of Sheila (Coburn)